Back to Square One
Okay, its honesty time.
A few days ago I wrote up a post about how awful I’ve been feeling lately about my eating habits, but I didn’t post it, it was more for myself. It pretty much said this: that I’ve noticed my some of my jeans don’t fit anymore and I’ve been feeling like I’ve gained weight, and that I’ve been too afraid to get on a scale to see if I have. This isn’t that post–but I’m going to be just as honest in this one by saying that I know I’ve gained about 10 pounds since I reached my “goal weight” (which was also my lowest weight, that I reached in November 2009). Lately I’ve felt myself slipping back into old eating habits and it has to stop.
Please note: I am not a dietitian (although I do plan to go to school for Nutrition in the future), so what I’m writing is just based on my own experience with food and an 80 pound weight loss.
A few factors could have contributed to this 10 pound (or more?) weight gain:
1. Half marathon training. I first noticed my jeans were getting tighter after I started training for my half marathon back in August. I had already trained for a 15K (my longest race at the time), and I was getting accustomed to eating more to fuel my training. I know my legs have gotten bigger from running so many miles, but in my heart I knew it wasn’t just my legs that were seeing the effects. I didn’t really feel comfortable in some of my clothes and leggings were feeling more and more comfortable to me than jeans. This was affecting my mood and I didn’t feel that great about myself. I was really struggling to find a happy balance, where I felt good about my weight and about myself, with eating what I wanted (to an extent). I realize now that I was eating too many calories to maintain my weight, thus I was gaining weight. Also–I was using my running as an excuse to eat whatever I wanted, especially when eating out. This is a big no-no and probably one of the reasons I’ve gained these 10 pounds.
2. Being stuck in “maintenance mode”. For a while while still being at my goal weight, I was still fluctuating a few pounds around there for a few months, while beginning to eat more “normally”, (i.e., not just diet food anymore) and I realized I could possibly eat more but still weigh the same. Again, another no-no. Unfortunately, I know I’m one of those people who just cannot eat whatever I want no matter how much I exercise. Obesity is in my genes, and I’ve been overweight my entire life (minus these past two years after losing 80 pounds). Therefore, it is a constant struggle for me to maintain my current weight, now matter how much I hit the gym or run my heart out. The point being: CALORIES MATTER! No matter what people say on other blogs about how you should not count calories or weigh yourself, this just does NOT work for me. I have to know my caloric intake in order to know exactly what I’m eating so I know how much I’ve had and when to stop. I don’t believe this is obsessive, I believe it is realistic because I’ve noticed lately I’ve just been eating to eat, even when I’m not hungry. Especially when I’m not counting calories, I’m more likely just to eat whatever I want. Not good. Weighing myself regularly (once a week) is also important for me in order to stay “in check” with my weight.
Overall– I know I want to get back to my “happy weight”, my goal weight, of weighing 10 pounds less than I do now, so in order to get back there I need sacrifice a few things. I need to eat less, plain and simple. And when I am training, I still need to fuel properly, but still watch what I eat, because just because I ran 10 miles does not give me the excuse for a chocolate cake free-for-all. I know I won’t feel good in the end about it. I need to focus more on the healthy food and eat more of that, instead of eating a handful of cookies. Time after time, I am always back to this point, because food is going to be a struggle my entire life. It always has been and always will be. But I am prepared for battle, because I’m a fighter and I don’t give up.
Now that I’m back to square one, I’ve started keeping a food diary again, beginning this past Monday. I can already feel a difference. I feel happier and better about myself. Now, I just have to stick with it. I’m still not going to post everything I eat on my blog, because that would be pretty boring. I’m just writing this post to hold myself accountable. 🙂
————
In an attempt to curb my baked good and chocolate cravings, the other night I made some flourless vegan chocolate cookies! They are 133 calories per cookie, which isn’t too bad. And I’ve made sure these last more than two days. 🙂
Ingredients
- 1/2 cup dried shredded coconut
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1/4 cup cocoa powder
- 1/4 tsp baking powder
- 1/8 tsp baking soda
- pinch of salt
- 1/2 cup almond butter unsalted natural peanut butter
- 4 tbsp coconut milk or other non-dairy milk almond milk
- 1/4 cup of applesauce (I substituted for a flax egg since I couldn’t find my ground flax)
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- 1/2 cup semi sweet chocolate chips
- 1/4 cup roasted macadamia nuts
They actually turned out REALLY tasty! Although a bit soft and crumbly, they were still extremely chocolately. Check out the full recipe to see exactly how to make them.
I wanted to incorporate one of them into my breakfast this morning, so I crumbled one cookie up and threw it on to my oatmeal, along with a dab of Dark Chocolate Dreams PB.
It was a delicious and satisfying breakfast, and still healthy. And I got my chocolate fix. 🙂
I also tried something new for lunch today.Pacific Natrual Foods Vegetable Lentil & Roasted Red Pepper Soup! Delish! I’m a big fan of this brand of soup, even if it is a bit expensive. It was a tad on the salty side, but still really good.
Soup was followed by an apple and a Clif Z Bar.
A successfull attempt to get back on track, I’d say. 🙂
I hope this post wasn’t too much of an emotional overload, but I really have to check in with myself from time to time to make sure I don’t get out of control. Anyone out there struggling with these issues can probably relate.
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33 Comments
Shannon
Jen- I have gone through the same dilemma you are, at about the same age! I am currently still struggling with getting my weight to where I want to be after breaking my foot & insane inactivity a couple of years ago- but I have to say I’ve always struggled. I have been a super fit size 4 that modeled for a bit in my 20’s, to a super unhappy size 18 (ahhhh!) not too long ago. I don’t have any advise to give (since I am still struggling myself)- but I guess I read you blog because I think you’re doing a fantastic job, and it’s great to see you achieve not only your weight loss goals, but your racing goals as well. So, anyway, know that you have a size 12 (and still working at it!) girl reading your blog and rooting for you. 🙂
Courtney @ Sweet Tooth, Sweet Life
Good for you, Jen! I definitely agree with you on slipping back into old habits…I’ve been feeling the same way lately.
You’re not alone girl!
Carol
You’re beautiful!!! Thanks for admitting your struggle. I get in the same dilemma a lot (convincing myself I can eat more because I’m exercising more) It happens to the best of us. Calorie counting is the only way I maintain my weight as well-it’s not easy! I know you’ll get back on track and feel comfy again. I love your blog and I love you! keep up the good work =)
Jen
Thanks Carol! <3<3
Honey B.
Back to square ONE??? Girl you lost 80 pounds, you are AMAZING, I would hardly call that back to square one. You’ve done it before (x8!), you can lost the weight again. You sound like you know what works for you and that’s the most important part. Everybody’s body is different. Some people count calories and some people don’t. Good luck!!
Emily
I totally 100% know what you’re talking about, because I obviously struggle with the same things. I agree with having to count calories, or at least have an idea of the calories I’m eating. I wish I could just “go with my body” and “feel when I’m full” but I never can, so I always need to measure food if I’m trying to lose weight or maintain weight. It’s definitely a struggle, I think its something some people will never understand because they have never been through it.
Those cookies look amazing! I’m definitely going to have to try to make them 🙂
And this was not an emotional overload! Us blogging girls are here to support each other when times get tough <3
Cynthia (It All Changes)
Maintenance is a hard place to be. You aren’t supposed to lose or gain so it’s like being in limbo. Good for you for catching it before you were back at where you started. You can and will be happy and healthy.
Julie @SavvyEats
I’m so happy you are listening to your body and doing what is right for you. I cannot calorie count, because I start to worry and get anxious about it nearly immediately, but I know it really really works for people, and I’m glad it works for you! Good luck getting back on track 🙂
Christina @ Food.Fun.Fabulous.
I didn’t think the post was too emotional – it was real. It’s good that you’ve figured out what you need to do instead of being in denial. I have tons of confidence in you 🙂
Nancy
This wasn’t too emotional at all! Like you said, you were just being honest, and I really appreciate your being open and sharing that it’s not just one big fairytale after a certain point. I just started reading your blog recently and it’s been so inspirational that I’ve started running myself, with hopes that someday I can be where you are now. Good luck!! 🙂
Becca
I completely empathize as well! What frustrates me about weight loss, is that it is so diet focused – in my experience, 80% diet, 20% exercise. I love exercising, so if only that could win out! I think particularly when one is doing long runs, your body begins to store up what you’re eating as fuel for these. Even when I wasn’t doing long runs, my body would still keep storing up food – if anyone comes up with a solution to this, then I’m all ears. I’m currently finishing up week one with all paleo eating – lots of meats, fruits, veggies and healthy fats. It’s getting easier by the day, but I still have all the cravings I used to!
Becca
carolyn
Calorie counting is the only thing that keeps me on track… whenever I take time off I notice the weight creeping back on. Have you ever used sparkpeople.com for tracking? I love the site… so easy to use and almost makes calorie counting fun! If that’s possible 😉
Jen
I’ve never been on spark people! I do use thedailyplate.com, that’s what I’ve been using since I started losing weight in 2008!
Katie H.
You definitely have to do what works for you- you know your body the best! Although I’m sure you are frustrated with the gain (I was confused/irritated when I gained weight training for the half), know that you look damn good!!! 🙂
Jen
thanks girl! 🙂
whit
girl, we are totally on the same page. When I start to ‘forget’ about counting calories weight just JUMPS onto my body and sits there. I have to always eat mindfully and plan out what is the best for my body. Else I will severely overeat or just not eat enough and then the cycle gets to going again.
Rosey Rebecca
Jen, I can definitely relate to this post. Well. except for the whole marathon training part. I feel like I’ve reverted back to some of my bad eating habits since I’ve been stressed out with school.
I’m glad you shared this post. I’m sure you’ll be able to get back on track soon! You’re strong!
Jen
thanks! 🙂
Thetreadmilldiaries
I admire your honesty Jen and respect the fact that you’re taking control to get back on track. I’ve definitely fallen victim to both your points 1&2 and had to work my way through it. In fact, I still am.
But I do want to say that you’re not back at square one. You may be bringing out and using techniques that you know will work for you (like the food diary, etc) but you’re making changes with the goal of tackling 10 lbs. You still have kept off 70 which is phenomenal. You deserve a lot of credit for stepping up and addressing this now before it became an even bigger hurdle. Good for you and I have no doubt you’ll get back to where you want. You’ve already proven you have what it takes to make it happen.
April
I think what you have done is incredible even with the weight gain back. That said I will be a little more honest then the others have been. Baking cookies and breads and other so called healthy treats is not a good idea. These things should not be eaten on a weekly basis and probably not even a monthly basis. These are treats and it is probably better to save them for special occasions. They should not be a part of your regular diet. If you must you should have one cookie, one piece etc on Saturday or whenever you choose your treat time to be and that is it. There are some other things that you have mentioned on this blog, that you seem to think are good for you. But just because something is organic doesn’t mean it isn’t loaded with sugar and fat. The same as with drinking, that can really load on the pounds and fast. Good luck with everything. Just so I don’t come off as too bitchy I was where you were and lost 75 pounds and have kept it off for over ten years.
heather
April – you have right to say whatever you’d like, just as much as Jen does. And just as much as I do.
I do think, however, that there is a difference between giving advice and telling people how to live their lives.
My advice to you, if you as you say, don’t want to come off “too bitchy”, would be to examine the tone of your comment.
Instead of telling Jen how to live her life, what is wrong and what is right, and essentially saying that unless she is exactly like you, she is wrong, consider that everyone is different, and we are all on our own journeys, trying to find our way.
Instead, give examples of what worked for you. Saying “for me, I needed to truly cut back on A, B, and C in order to keep the pounds off – meaning I only indulged in them once a month.” Instead of “you should” or “you can’t”
That is just my advice. Not that you asked for it. Just as Jen didn’t ask for advice either.
Rosey Rebecca
I just need to say that I eat more than one sweet treat a week, and I am the healthiest I ever have been. I think it’s unhealthy if you each huge portion sizes of cookies, cakes and brownies.It’s ALSO unhealthy to restrict yourself. That’s all. 🙂
Freya
Ok, I have to add my two cents here too –
For you, sweet treats might work on a once-a-year basis or whatever..but everyone is different! Some people need something sweet every day, or they just crave it and crave it and end up bingeing. I personally have at least one ‘treat’ every single day, without fail. I’m also very very slim, and have had my diet analysed by a nutritionist, who said it was one of the best she’d ever seen. There is always a place for treats! 🙂
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April
A cookie in oatmeal is healthy like chicken breast without the skin with cream and butter sauce all over it is healthy. I never would of thought you were too cowardly to post comments from your fans even if they are not 100% positive. You don’t want any honest advice you just want people to tell you that you are right. Even when your decisions, fried foods, beer have caused you to gain weight. You clearly need HONEST feedback. Your so called friends above would be telling you everything is fine even if you gained back all your weight and stopped working out.
Jen
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog and congrats your on your weight loss as well. While I really appreciate the feedback, I do, however, apologize that I couldn’t hit the approve button fast enough (or write my reply), therefore I think your second comment is a bit unnecessary. 🙂
I am going to clarify myself though, because although it may be easy for some people, giving up treats entirely, whether it be for the month, week, etc. is just not right for me. I can’t deprive myself of something I love (like chocolate, for example) for that length of time without going crazy and binging the next change I got to have it. I really give you credit if you have the will power to do that! I clearly lack self-control in that department.
Also on the baking issue, I love it. I enjoy looking up recipes and mixing ingredients to make a baked good from scratch. I don’t think I could give that up either (the same reason why I won’t give up running or knitting), since it is a hobby of mine. I try to keep my baked goods as healthy as possible, using different ingredients. I also try to give them away–I usually give my boyfriend the breads I bake, and if I make something else, I share it with my parents or freeze them. I am a believer in the “everything in moderation” statement, but as I’ve realized lately (hence this blog post) there are certain things I need to cut back on (having ONE cookie after dinner instead of three, for example.)
But in the case of my oatmeal, what may be not right for you may be healthy for someone else. One of the other things I’ve realized is that I’ve been eating too much chocolate from the bowl at work–so I eliminated it all week (and I plan to keep doing so), therefore I thought I deserved some chocolate with my oatmeal (I also ran five miles the previous night, so again, I think I earned it.) Substituting a cookie for almond butter, jam and pecans for an oatmeal topping probably equals out to be the same amount of calories in the end.
Thanks again for your perspective. I appreciate the feedback. 🙂
Katie H
April,
I’m one of Jen’s “so-called” friends. Do me a favor and don’t make assertions or form judgments about people you know nothing about. Including Jen. Thanks.
amanda
I wrote a blog the other day about the same exact thing!! LIke others have said you are not back to square one!
Jen
I saw that and meant to comment! It seems we’re both in sort of the same boat! But the plus side is we’ve both been through the weight loss, so hopefully it won’t be too hard for us to get back on track! 🙂
April
Jen did ask for advice she rights a blog and puts it out there for people to comment.
She also said her current behavior is causing her to gain back weight. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I love to bake too, but if I did it every week (making so called low-fat treats) it would sabotage my weight loss goals.
I can make assumptions about her friends, who are only telling her what she wants to hear and not what she needs to hear.
I don’t know Jen personally, she seems nice and sweet and needs some honest people in her life.
Oatmeal with chocolate sauce and a cookie on top is ridiculous for someone trying to lose the extra ten pounds they just gained.
Jen
Oatmeal with a cookie on top may be ridiculous for YOU, but for me, it was what I wanted at the time, AND I feel I’d earned it, as it is not something I eat on a daily basis.(See my response above.)
Chris
First, Jen doesn’t “right” a blog. In actual fact, she “writes” one. Second, I agree that by writing a public blog and opening it up for comments, she is in a a way, soliciting feedback. Third, she’s not insane for what she’s doing. She’s my girlfriend and she’s awesome and has worked very hard to get where she is. Her original post demonstrates that she does not need “honest people in her life” because she is honest with herself and has the courage to recognize mistakes and correct behavior. Finally, I’m going to take issue in general with this notion of being “healthy”.
What the heck does that really mean anyway? Does health simply mean a weight that makes you proportionate with your height? In that case, it’s all about counting calories and I could eat 1300 calories a day in Milano cookies and be 130lbs. Or does being healthy mean being devoid of any maladies such as diabetes? Or maybe, eating healthy is eating foods that have the most nutritional value for the money/calorie/weight? I prefer to think of it as a state of mind, something that helps to guide our lives. As Michael Pollan recommended, you don’t have to take supplements, but be the kind of person who takes supplements. What does that mean? As he writes, the people who take supplements are “typically more health conscious, better educated and more affluent. So to the extent you can, be the kind of person who would take supplements, and then save your money.” Basically, be conscious of yourself.
So yes, April, I do see where you are coming from in that a cookie may seem totally unhealthy to you, no matter what, and that if someone was trying to lose weight and ate 2500 calories a day in cookies, that would be a mistake. And I see/appreciate that you were trying to offer some advice to someone who you thought needed some more guidance. But if you are trying to maintain a weight, eating a cookie that’s 180 calories (or however many calories are in Jen’s cookies) is probably no better/worse than eating a candy bar of 180 calories or 180 calories of oranges. I think Jen and everyone who reads/comments on this blog is trying to be whatever they consider “healthy” and that means something different to each person. So like Michael Pollan says, be “health conscious”, educate yourself, and you won’t need supplements or whatever the grocery store tells you is “healthy”.
But if you want people to be honest on this blog, then here it goes. Jen: We talked about this before, so it’s redundant, but this is more for the blog’s sake in general. If you are worried about weight, set a daily calorie limit and abide by it. If you are concerned about “health” then try and make your calorie intake full of fruits, vegetables, lean protein and whole grains. Plan out your meals and give yourself one cheat day a week. It’s that simple. I am telling you that you are right. Exercising did put you in the wrong mindset and I think attributed to your weight gain. But you’re recognizing it, so just muster up the gumption that I know you possess and stick to a calorie plan. You know what the problem is, it’s up to you to fix it, I know you can and I’ll be here anytime you need me.
But honestly, what I just wrote is nothing different from what Jen essentially wrote in this original post. I’ve given no new insight beyond what she already knew and admitted to herself. So April, you imply that Jen needs honest friends to make changes in her life. That couldn’t be more untrue. The simple act of writing her post was the only thing she really needed.
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